Hypothesis Spake

There's a scent that I helplessly follow, my footsteps already marked.

I’ve got this theory about blow jobs, if you want to hear it. I personally think that blow jobs are like an extremely delicate thing. If you’re ranking them on a scale of one to ten, one being blowing it kisses and ten being choking and just semen and vomit everywhere. I think you gotta start off with fours and with fives. Just enough so that you know that I know exactly what I’m doing, but with zero enthusiasm. I’m giving you nothing. Because then you’re gonna be like, “Alright, fine. I’ll just fuck her.” You know? Because if I start off with a ten, I got nowhere to go. I mean, why are you going to spend any time fucking me? You just came all over my face. So you start off small, right, but you build. I’ll give you a six after a fight, when we’re making up. And then an eight when you spend a shit load of money on me or get me something that’s like a sweet gift or whatever, I’ll do full eight. But then I circle it back. Back to the threes, the fours, and the fives. Because that shit, every time without fail, makes the guys dick alarm go off. You know what I mean when I say dick alarm. You’re gonna be like, “Hey baby, what’s wrong with you? You’re acting funny. Why so sad?” And really what you’re telling me is, “God dammit, just suck my dick harder.”

(Source: robin-scherbatsky, via fanlingo)